because Fate said so
by Sunnycanary
Summary: The Oha Asa horoscope was always right. [MidoTaka. Deathfic. Oneshot.]


**AN: I planned to write this in one day but ended up taking six because I overestimated my writing abilities bUT ANYWAY, to celebrate Kurobasu season 3! here is a sad, depressing MidoTaka! (****at least i managed to finish this before ep 2!) ****I have no knowledge of medical stuffs whatsoever, apart from the reeeaally basic stuff, so sorry if anything in here is wrong.**

* * *

Today is one of the worst days Midorima could ever ask for, and it has hardly started yet.

In the morning, when he checked the Oha Asa horoscope, Cancer had been second to last, and Scorpio, Takao's sign, had been last. Midorima doesn't know when he had started looking out for the other boy's star signs as well as his, but now it's almost like routine, just like the morning kisses they share and Takao making breakfast for them both (and lunch and dinner because Midorima isn't allowed into the kitchen, not after _last_ time).

He knows today will be bad. His middle fingernail on his left hand had been chipped when he woke up, and he woke up with _actual_ _bed hair_. And now even Oha Asa is warning him about today.

Takao is already in the kitchen when Midorima finally walks out of their bedroom, rubbing at his eyes. He's rummaging through their fridge when he looks up and greets him.

"Shin-chan, we're out of milk," he tells him after quickly pressing their lips together. "And eggs. I think we're running low on cereal too. I'll quickly go buy some more now, 'kay?"

"I'll go with you." He doesn't have anything planned, anyway, and he needs some fresh air – when was the last time he went out for a morning jog?

They walk down the stairs (or, Midorima walks, and Takao runs down, sliding his hand along the banister and skipping the last couple of stairs) and out the door of their building. It is colder than Midorima had expected, and he puts his hands in his pockets to try and warm them up.

They are across the road from the convenience store that is a couple minutes away from their apartment when Midorima realizes he forgot his lucky item. He hasn't gone a day without a lucky item for as long as he can remember, and he can't believe he didn't remember the tin of fruit candy that the Oha Asa horoscope recommended him to bring with him.

He's trying to figure out _why_ he had forgotten – bringing his lucky item, filing and maintaining his nails, making sure he did everything right so fate would always be on his side was all second nature to him – when a scream and a loud screech snap him out of his thoughts.

He can recognize that voice anywhere. Years of being together, years of laughter and shouting and whispered secrets in their bed has honed his ears, as if they are specially made to recognize the sound of Takao's voice.

The road was empty before. Now it isn't. There is a car smashed against a lamppost and a pair of long, dark tire marks are stretched across the road. And red _everywhere_ – on the car, on the road, a big puddle of red where Takao is. The air is tainted with a metallic smell. Midorima takes a big breath to calm his spinning head and regrets it immediately. He feels like he is about to throw up.

He takes small steps until he reaches the body in the middle of the road. People are crowding around already, and he can hear sirens from far away, but it is all muted.

"Takao?" His voice is small, and he doesn't recognize it.

"Shin-chan." The laughter is still in Takao's voice, his eyes are still smiling, but he sounds like the next word would be his last, and Midorima sucks in a breath. "Shin-chan, don't look so sad! I'll be fine. We have a match soon, I'll be all healed up before then, so you don't need to be so worried!"

Midorima wants to tell him to shut _up_ because he shouldn't be talking so much right now, not when there's a still-spreading puddle of blood around him, not when there is a rattling noise with every breath he takes and his skin is so pale. But he doesn't, because the words seem to get stuck in his throat, and he can't seem to force them out.

"Don't cry, Shin-chan, I'll be fine." Takao reaches up to touch his cheeks and _he shouldn't be wasting his energy on something so trivial, damn it_, and wait, was he actually crying? Midorima furiously rubs the tears away before they can fall, almost knocking his glasses off, because he can't remember the last time he _had_ cried, and he needs to stay _strong_ for Takao.

The sirens are getting louder and louder, and Midorima can see more people walking around, shouting things to each other and bringing out stretchers and other medical equipment. He knows he should move out of the way, let the nurses and paramedics do their job, but he can't, he can't let go of Takao's hand, not when it could be the last time he gets to see him smile like that.

"T–Takao," he whispers, "will you smile for me again?"

He does, a small, shaky smile, but it's enough. Midorima memorizes the sight with his eyes, tracing over every curve and bump and ridge of Takao's face. He needs to ingrain this in his brain before it's too late, before he is taken away from him.

The paramedics finally push him aside, telling him to move _away_ so they can do their job. He lets go of Takao's hand, and watch him close his eyes.

"Bye, Shin-chan. See ya… See ya in the hospital."

* * *

He's nearly the last one in the gym and the basket of balls is almost empty. There's only one other person – Takao Kazunari, who he remembers from a few days ago, when he had laughed at his lucky item and the way he spoke. Lately, the other first year had been staying behind with him well past the end of practice, and Midorima feels like he's somehow _competing_ with him.

He's slightly shocked when he learns of Takao's goal to make him recognize him. He can hardly remember most of the teams he had played against in middle school, and Takao is no different. But it seems like the other boy hadn't forgotten about _him_.

Most of the first years are dropping out after just a few days. Midorima knows he will never quit, and he has a feeling Takao won't either.

"Remember it, Shin-chan!"

"…Stop calling me by that excessively friendly nickname, Takao."

But in his mind, he says, _I will_.

* * *

Midorima can't remember much about the trip to the hospital. All he can pick out from his fuzzy memories is clutching a still hand and flinching every time the ambulance sped over a bump and jostled the unconscious boy beside him.

Takao's hand is still, too still. Takao's hands are never still, they're not _supposed_ to be this still, why weren't they twitching or fiddling with something or just _moving_?

Midorima takes in a deep breath and tries to calm himself. _In. Out. In. Out._

Why did this have to happen to _him_?

Deep down, he knows why – because Fate said so.

* * *

The first time they wear their uniforms, Takao nearly pisses his pants.

"God, Shin-chan, you look like a _carrot_." He's even holding his stomach and hitting his thigh with a fist. Midorima pushes his glasses up his nose and glares.

"You don't look much better," he retorts, even though it's not true. On Takao, the orange somehow looks a lot better than on him. It could just be the hair color, but he wasn't going to admit that.

"No, but, a _carrot_!"

He doesn't stop laughing until the captain throws a ball at him, warning him either shut up or get kicked out of practice.

Midorima prepares himself for the onslaught of carrot jokes over the next few weeks.

* * *

_Left, right, left, right, turn._

The cheap, plastic chairs are empty except for one – a woman watching him pace warily.

_Left, right, left, right, turn._

He usually doesn't like pacing. A waste of energy, and you end up in the same place you started in. But right now, he needs something to distract him from the images flashing through his head.

_Left, right, left, right, turn._

Takao in the middle of a huge red puddle. Takao limp and unmoving on the way to the hospital. Takao being carted off to a room where strangers are now prodding him and cutting him open and God knows what else.

_Left, right, le–_

"Midorima Shintarou?" A nurse is talking to him in that way-too-calm voice, and it annoys him, because Takao's _life_ is on the line, and how can she stand there _smiling_? He takes a deep breath and tells himself it's good that _someone_ here is calm, because he sure isn't.

He follows the nurse down the hallway, and all he can hear is the distant beeping of machines in another room and the clip-clop of their shoes on the floor. He hates the silence – being with Takao is never silent, never empty.

Fate has been kind to him all his life, so why now?

* * *

They win their first match together, a practice match with a nearby school. Midorima pushes his glasses up but remains stoic. His horoscope wasn't first, but it hadn't been too far down the list either. When he arrived at the school and watched the other team warm up, he could already tell that his team would win.

Takao is more excited though, grinning uncontrollably. "Shin-chan, we won! Of course, I knew we would win, we have you on our team."

Somehow, Takao's big smile makes Midorima want to celebrate too, even though winning is normal to him. He tries not to think too much about why the other boy's smile affects him so much.

* * *

Takao would look peaceful if tubes aren't coming out of his body. He's in a hospital bed, the crisp white sheets almost the same color as his skin.

He looks like he's sleeping, Midorima muses. The crinkles by his eyes when he's smiling – which is almost always – are smoothed out and he looks… Younger, fragile, like one touch will break him.

Midorima likes seeing Takao peaceful and sleeping, but not like this. Not here, in the hospital, not so close to death's door.

He prepares himself for many sleepless nights in the chair beside the bed.

* * *

Takao gives Midorima a kitten for his birthday. A _kitten_. When he opens the box – which was making weird noises and shaking, making him very concerned – and finds a pair of bright eyes and pointy ears, he practically _drops_ the entire thing.

"I thought I told you, I don't like cats!" He glares at Takao, who is barely hiding his laughter at his reaction.

"I'm s–sorry," he says between sniggers. "I forgot. And your reaction just then, Shin-chan. _Priceless!_"

Midorima dumps the box (with the kitten) into Takao's arms. "You got it, it's your responsibility. I'm not taking it home."

"But Shin-chan, it's your birthday present!" When Midorima shoots him his coldest glare, he adds on, "Or, I can give it to my parents…?"

In the end, the kitten goes to Takao's sister, and Takao treats Midorima to his favorite takeout as an apology.

* * *

Takao's family arrives the next day. Midorima's never really gotten along well with Takao's parents – they blame him for stealing their son away and moving halfway across the prefecture, and now they blame him for the accident – and his sister acts like he isn't even there. They brush past him and crowd around Takao, and he wants to pull them away.

He refrains from doing so. If Takao sees him like that, he would be so disappointed, even if he would hide it behind a smile. And he doesn't want to disappoint Takao.

So he holds himself back, ignoring the urge to scream at them, to shield Takao with his arms.

Because it's for Takao.

* * *

**_From: Takao  
_**_heyy shin-chan, where r u?  
__i cant find u…  
__u here yet?_

**_To: Takao_**_  
I'm coming. Be patient.  
I just need to pick up something first._

**_From: Takao_**_  
im at our table already  
the waiters giving me weird looks  
crap she told me i have to order now or shes gonna kick me out  
what do u want to eat_

**_To: Takao_**_  
Tell her I'll be there in a minute. I'm nearly there._

**_From: Takao_**_  
god shin-chan whats taking u so long  
r u buying ur lucky item again  
do they even work  
this is the 5th time u know_

**_From: Takao_**_  
oyakodon and a can of red bean soup again, right?_

* * *

The beeping of the machinery next to the bed has already melded into background noise. Midorima has learnt to block it out, just like the images of Takao's limp body sprawled on the road.

He shifts in his seat and blearily looks up at Takao. He's still there, unchanged and not moving.

His head slumps forward again and he falls back into that state where he's not quite sleeping but not quite awake either.

Takao isn't waking up, hasn't stirred since he was carried into the ambulance. Midorima knows deep down he might not ever wake up again, but he pushes the thought away.

All he can do now is hope that Fate is feeling generous. And even that might not be enough.

* * *

Since they had been accepted into the same college, Midorima had asked Takao if he wanted to live together.

"I mean, I'd rather live with you than with some stranger. I'm already used to your annoying presence, so it would be better than trying to get used to someone else's."

"Aw, Shin-chan, you don't have to make up an excuse! I know you just want to stay with me forever." Takao's grin doesn't falter when Midorima shoots him a glare.

Even so, the next week, they go looking for apartments together.

* * *

All their friends have come and visited. They make Midorima go home and take a shower and sleep _properly_ for the first time in about a week. He does everything robotically, not really caring about what he's doing.

When he wakes up, the first thing he does is check the kitchen for breakfast. Takao isn't there in his orange apron, he's not there flipping pancakes or frying eggs or pouring milk, and then Midorima _remembers_.

He's been numb this whole time, not really believing that everything had happened, but now reality hits him with full force. For the first time since the accident, he cries – sitting in the middle of their kitchen and just _bawls_.

* * *

Takao has somehow broken the washing machine _again_. Midorima sighs as he walks over, looking over the machine.

"What happened _now_?" he sighs, and something inside him jolts when he realizes how _domestic_ they are right now.

Somehow, he can't imagine living a life that isn't one with Takao by his side every single day.

* * *

Midorima can't stay at the hospital forever, so instead, he visits every day. He tells Takao about his day, and then he just sits there, sometimes talking about random topics that pop up in his mind, sometimes in silence.

He wishes Takao would wake up already.

* * *

Oha Asa had predicted for Cancers to have the best luck today. So far, Oha Asa had never failed him before.

He takes a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth. He has his lucky item. Oha Asa promised him the best luck today. When he tied his shoes he started with his right. His nails were perfectly filed and bandaged – not that it would matter for today, really, but he wanted to make sure he did everything he could possibly do.

"Hey, Shin-chan!" Takao drapes his arm around Midorima's neck, and he doesn't know when he got this close to him, and he hopes he can't hear the loud thumping in his chest. "You've been really _weird _today, is there something wrong?"

Midorima's eyes widen and he sucks in a breath. What if he knows? The other boy is still looking at him expectedly, so he fumbles for an answer.

"Go out with me." He watches Takao's eyes widen and he thinks he has screwed up, because why would Takao like _him_? But then he smiles again and Midorima lets out a breath he doesn't know he was holding and the world is spinning again.

Until Takao opens his mouth and everything just _stops_. "It's raining outside, Shin-chan, we can go tomorrow."

And he does that tilting thing with his head and the corners of his eyes are crinkled because he's still smiling, and all Midorima can think is '_cute_'. He could leave it here, play it off like he meant go out_side_, but his mouth, the carefully filtered, in-control mouth that has never let him down _once_ before, now decides to speak without his permission.

"No, you don't understand. I meant go out. Like. On a date."

Midorima wonders if Takao's eyebrows could raise any higher. And when he's about to take back what he said, (_damn_ that Oha Asa for being wrong on the most important day of his life), Takao nods.

"Sure, okay. But you plan everything out, okay?"

For the first time that he can remember, Midorima feels like jumping up and waving his arms in the air, shouting "_YES!_" as loud as he can, hugging the closest thing to his chest as tightly as he can (which happens to be Takao), and grinning from ear to ear all at once. Fortunately, (for him and his reputation), he refrains from doing so, and only lets out a small smile. He had planned everything out already, had dreamed about this for so long.

"Of course."

He never should have doubted Oha Asa after all.

* * *

One day he wakes up from a nap in his chair to silence. The monitor beside the bed isn't beeping, the hand in his is cold, the lump on the bed isn't rising and falling, and everything is just _wrong_.

"Doctor? Nurse? Someone!" Midorima's shouts grow louder and more desperate until he hears someone coming.

Someone pulls him back a bit so the doctors and nurses can do what they need to do. He cranes his neck and tries to see what's happening but they're all in the way.

A doctor turns towards him, and his expression makes Midorima's heart drop.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Midorima is surprised when he finds out Takao doesn't like coffee.

"It's just, it's so bitter, y'know? There's already enough bitterness in the world." Midorima doesn't really see how this is relevant to drinking coffee or not. He doesn't particularly like the drink either, (nothing can compare to red bean soup), but he thought the other boy would, since he is so energetic and happy all the time.

"And anyway, hot chocolate is so much more better," Takao states, and Midorima holds in a snort. He should have guessed he would like such a sweet drink. "Much better than that red bean soup you're always drinking."

Midorima huffs indignantly. Red bean soup is a delicious drink _and_ it's good for you! Unlike hot chocolate.

Later, Midorima changes his mind about the chocolatey drink later that night when Takao takes a big sip and emerges with a foam moustache. And when he kisses him afterwards, he still tastes like chocolate and sweetness, and Midorima is glad his boyfriend loves hot chocolate more than coffee.

* * *

Midorima holds Takao's mug. It's a cute mug – orange, with a black cat face. Midorima had given it to Takao for his birthday.

Takao. Takao won't ever use this mug again, and Takao won't ever walk through the doors again with two boxes of pizza or bags full of clothes from his most recent shopping trip, and Takao won't ever cuddle late at night in the bed where his head fit perfectly under Midorima's chin, and Takao just won't _be_ here anymore.

Midorima gulps in lungfuls of air. _Breathe_, he tells himself, and he wipes at his eyes before the tears could fall. His grip slackens and the cup drops before he realizes. It smashes into exactly three pieces, and that's when he snaps, because can't Fate at least let him have _one_ thing to remember Takao by?

For the second time in a month, Midorima finds himself crying in the middle of the kitchen.

* * *

Something is dropped onto his head and Midorima looks up to see Takao scattering cherry blossom petals everywhere. He shakes his head and brushes off the remaining petals.

It's not that he doesn't _like_ cherry blossoms. It's just that, he doesn't want the petals to go _everywhere_, especially not in his hair and down his shirt.

He still doesn't know how he had gotten to the small river, the banks lined with the pink-filled trees. All he remembers is Takao waking him up and dragging him along the streets until they reach a secluded park, and it's _that_ time of the year when couples sit together under the cherry blossoms and do other romantic stuff, so it's not _really _empty, but he manages to find them a place away from everyone else.

Takao is so _happy_ here, though, sitting at the edge of the river next to him and dipping his toes into the cool water. Midorima scolds him, because it isn't summer yet, and it's still chilly out, so what if he catches a cold? But Takao just laughs it off and asks, "Do you want me to splash you, Shin-chan?" Midorima doesn't want to get wet, so he drops the subject.

He feels something entwining with his fingers, and he looks down to see Takao's thumb brushing across the back of his hand. His other hand is busy picking up freshly-fallen blossoms and Midorima doesn't realize what he's doing until he's reaching up and tucks a bunch of the flowers behind his ear. Takao laughs and quickly snaps a picture with his phone, then as an apology, he tucks some flowers behind his ear too.

He doesn't mention that Oha Asa had said his lucky item for the day is a pink flower. Subconsciously, he touches the petals in his hair with his fingertips.

And Midorima thinks maybe the cherry blossoms aren't _that_ bad if he gets to spend time like this with Takao.

* * *

He doesn't want to go to Takao's funeral. He doesn't want to do _anything_, really, but being reminded that he was dead and gone forever is just too much.

Even so, he finds himself slipping on a pair of sunglasses and sneaking to the place where Takao's funeral is held.

Takao's sister is standing at the front, tears running down her face. Her makeup is smudging, and he can see the redness of her nose even from the doorway.

She is talking about how Takao was the best brother she could ever ask for, and she will miss him forever, and that is when Midorima turns around and walks away.

He never wanted to come to the funeral anyway.

* * *

It's raining outside, and it is the coldest it has been this summer. Midorima doesn't mind, though.

He's sitting on the couch – _their_ couch – and running his fingers through Takao's hair. The other boy had lain his head on Midorima's lap, half-asleep and unconsciously rubbing his face into Midorima's leg. A movie is flickering on the TV but no one is paying any attention to it.

Midorima likes evenings like these, where they can cuddle on the couch and watch half a movie before Takao gives up and lays his head down against Midorima, claiming that "Shin-chan, I can watch movies sideways!"

Evenings like these are his favorite part of dating Takao. He likes it better than the hand-holding and the dates and the kissing and even the sex (although he also likes that quite a lot). Looking down at Takao, threading his fingers through his hair, pressing small kisses to his cheek, his neck, his hair, his nose, his mouth.

He'll never get tired of this, and he hopes Takao won't either. Because he plans on cuddling on the couch until they fall asleep to the sound of gentle pounding on their windows for a long time.

* * *

In the graveyard, when everyone has left, Midorima comes out from behind the trees where he was waiting. In his hands is a branch of cherry blossoms and the three pieces of Takao's mug. He places them down carefully amongst the other flowers and soft toys on the grave.

"I'll miss you." He takes in a deep breath before slowly saying his next words.

"I love you, Kazunari. I don't know _what_ I'll do without you, but I should find something soon, shouldn't I?"

He stands up, brushing dirt off his legs, and he knows he will be back next year with another branch of cherry blossoms. He will be back before then, though, with maybe a packet of Takao's favorite hot chocolate, or a basketball, or _something_ they shared together.

"See you, Takao."


End file.
